At the 1980 Olympics, Brezhnev begins his speech."O!" — applause. "O!" — more applause. "O!" — yet more applause. "O!" — an ovation. "O!!!" — the whole audience stands up and applauds.An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, that's the Olympic rings, you don't need to read it!"
Brezhnev and Napoleon meet in the next world.`Oh-h-h, if only we'd had such a brilliant commander as yourself in the Soviet Union instead of Stalin,' Brezhnev says to Napoleon, `then we wouldn't have allowed Hitler to cross our threshold.'`And if I had newspapers like your Pravda,' says Napoleon, `not a soul would have heard about Waterloo.' Source:
This “official” style of portraying the “rulers” at their most dignified continues in China today.
- "Today, the Olympic torch arrived in Sochi. But Vladimir Putin immediately put it out because he thought it was too flaming." –Conan O'Brien
- "Organizers for the Sochi Olympics have had trouble filling seats for the biathlon. This is because Vladimir Putin is warning people away from any event containing 'bi.'" –Conan O'Brien
- "On Friday, Russian President Vladimir Putin said gay people at the Olympics should not fear for their safety despite the country's anti-gay laws. He said they should fear for their safety because they're in Russia." –Jimmy Fallon
Putin’s stare penetrates a ten-foot lead wall and brings a kettle to a boil within 10 seconds from three miles away. For public safety he must wear special contact lenses at all times. Source: